The Dinosaurs Never Left!!

No, im not talking about the huge, flesh eating(or leave eating), tree topping (or flying), animals with huge teeth than roamed the earth forever and a day ago. I'm talking about this damn computer system here at Toyota. The same system that my Dad used when he was at Toyota when I was nine years old. These computers are so slow, they take forever to close even one ticket out!! Someone, anyone, wanna come make these things faster!?

The chaos

If anyone remembers the post on Adrienne's blog about "my childhood is more fucked up than your child hood" then you might find this amusing (assuming you found her post to be that way.)
However, it’s not my childhood; it’s my family that’s more screwed up than yours.
On my Dad's side of the family there is a whopping 3 people. Uncle Mike, Cousin Sean and my Grandma "D" which, because I had so many grandmothers, was given that name because her name is "Doris." Grandma "D" was a very talented musician. She sang opera, played piano and some other woodwind instruments, but I beat her to the strings by playing violin for ~9 years. I still play, just not nearly as much as I had before. Anyway- she used to live in Fort Wayne, Indiana where she was the general manager and operations manager at the Theater up there. It was like the Fox down here in Atlanta, but significantly older. She met many talent musicians in her years of running that old, wooden box (of course, that wooden box is just from my vague memory of being five years old and up there with her). She even met Dave Matthews before he was "Dave Matthews." My grandmother met my favorite musician, does anyone else see the problem with this!? She let him performer after he told her that there was a Varity of instruments that were used and it wasn't the typical hard rock that was playing back then. She, as she does when she’s disappointed, scrunched her nose up and said that it was "racket", but she forced a smile after she realized she had just dissed my favorite artist and said,” but it was good racket".
Well, in November, during mine and my Cousin Sean's freshmen year of high school, my aunt (Sean’s mom) passed away. Long story short - it was sad, but expected. Smoker you know had the black lung. (Finally, I got to use that in a post!) With that, Grandma "D" flew down here to be closer to her baby, Sean and her even bigger baby, my uncle Mike. (Notice how there’s no mention of my family there). Longer story short- Mike drains her of her retirement money, she can't find a job, moves in with Uncle Mike and Sean and that’s where she’s been for some 4 odd years.
Recently, my uncle Mike got engaged to be married for the third time. I don't mean for the third time since Peggy died, but the third time in his life. So now, unfortunately, he thinks that he can slump off my Grandma "D" and my cousin Sean onto my family and we will let them move in. My Dad, the generous man that he is, can't just let his mom and nephew go out into the cold, so he offers to pay half of the rent for my grandma to live in an apartment and my uncle has to pay the other half. Which, may I add with a sprinkle of bitterness, isn't going to happen. My Dad will end up paying all of it, as usual. Plus, my poor cousin, who doesn't deserve any of this, is stuck in the middle, so he gets to move in with us.

-Chaos part two-
My mom and dad say that they don't have enough money to send me to college. They say that "it isn’t there responsibility to provide me with a college education" and I say to that they are full of shit. Funny - my dads going to end up paying for a place for my grandma, feeding my cousin Sean and then on top of that -provides my mom with a 3K, platinum diamond necklace. Does anyone else feel like I'm getting shafted!? Does anyone else see the problem here!?

I can't wait until I get out of this bullshit.

You get what you deserve.

On Friday, November 11th, while at a rehearsal dinner in Columbia, South Carolina, I received a voice mail from my mom. The voice mail, however, was very hard to distinguish between her either being extremely excited about something or extremely intoxicated and belligerent. Either way, whatever it was, it was worth a phone call back. Fortunately, I call my mom back and I can hear her loud and clear. Apparently, while she was at some sports bar with the usual Friday crowd, when she ran into Robin Head, who was a friend of mines mom from high school. Mrs. Head was always into the PTA, Booster Clubs, Sports that her kids did, etc, etc, so her remembering me and my mom was nothing short from unusual. The information she had to share to my family was something that was sure to brighten my day, that's why I received that phone call my from my mom.

To fill you in:
When I was in High School, I played softball starting in 9th grade. I started on JV and was asked to sub in for Varsity my freshmen year. This is when Coach Bowden was our coach, though, she was let go after my freshmen year for "not having winning seasons." My sophomore, a coach from Bonneville, Indiana came in. A short, stalkey, toothless son of a bitch, named Ed Harper. Who, yes, I can blame my entire softball career going to hell on. He came in with "new ideas" and "better coaching plans" and "plays". He worked us hard and benched me all of my sophomore year and let some freshmen, who was not as experienced as myself, play in my spot. Mainly because my parents didn't give money to the "booster club" and her parents did. Needless to say, I couldn't sit on the bench and waste my afternoons being a base running bitch for Ed Harpers little money baggers parade. Now, I don't mean this about all the girls out there. Yes, Colleen Harrison and Krista Lester deserved to be playing, hell the were incredible. Though, there are others who didn't. I will refrain from using there names. So between the countless number of games that I sat on the bench crying because I was being lied to and watching people playing a sport that I loved, in my position - I lost it. Just went bonkers and did something that I had never thought I would do, I quit. I walked into the locker room after school, the day after our game against Collins Hill, opened up my locker and took out my softball bag. Put my gloves, my bats, helmet, softballs and my catching gear into my bag that I had been using since my first year of travel league and zipped it up. I took off "Sammie # 44" off my locker that had been there since my sophomore year, and put my uniforms on the bleacher and left. I haven't touched a softball field since.

Now, the information that Robin Head told my mother was this:
Ed Harper, the former coach of Shiloh High School, who had left this past year after the SSA (Shiloh Softball Association) took a turn for the worse due to him, decided to take a job at Mill Creek. While there, he managed to get himself into a rather sticky situation after propositioning a young girl for sex. A 20 minute conversation was recorded and was enough for him to resign from Mill Creek. The full story can be found here, on the AJC. The story you wont read from that article is that she was a softball player and he gave her his number after practice one day. She came home to her father and pulled out his number called him something along the lines of "dirty old man" and her father, being a PI (personal investigator) immediately became suspicious. He had her call him on the phone and recorded the conversation and immediately had him arrested.

Now, can you imagine how happy I was to hear this?! I was literally jumping up and down in Columbia, just absolutely full of joy to hear that the bastard who ruined any chance I had of playing in college, ruined a sport that I loved so much, was finally getting what he deserved. I was so glad to hear that that, five foot, two inch bastard was finally caught red handed being a complete scum bag. It was like music to my ears. My mom and I knew it, too. We had said it when we first met "little Ed", as my mom called him. We knew that there was something that was just absolutely wrong and nerving about that man. We called it, long ago. I'm just so glad that he was finally caught. I hope that bastard burns.

A confession (More or less bitching)

Many people really don't know the reasoning's behind me doing certain things. Hell, most of the time, through all the spontaneous actions and somewhat awkward desire to do these things, I don't even know my own reason. However, someone finally stopped me the other day, dead in my path of doing something for someone and asked me, "Samantha, why are you doing this? What will you gain?" My only answer to it was, "I don't know."

I'm nine times out of ten more than willing to drop whatever I am doing at the present time and go off and help someone in need. I am usually willing to push everything I do for myself to the back of the line in order to help someone else. The other thing is, they usually don't ask for my help, I just know that I can help them and therefore, I do. I'm starting to think that my whole mentality of, "Well, hopefully someone will come and help me when I need it" is truly a false fixation of my own hope.

I've started to go back and look at how differently I was when I was younger compared to now. When I was younger, like 13, I didn't give a damn about anyone and nobody cared about me either. Other than the people who were unbelievably close to me, which I may add, were few and far between. I was never pushed around, I was never taken advantage of and I never really felt that bad. Now, I strive on helping people and the sick thing is, most people aren't even grateful anymore.

I know that some people are grateful and those people I would usualy help out on the drop of a dime, but I'm just starting to come to my own rational decision that I am never going to get anything back out of this. I mean, I was promised time after time after time that I what I did for someone would be appreciated or returned, it never happened. Its ruined relationships, its ruined friendships and I don't think I'm prepared to keep lending my hand out to people all the time. Especially people who aren't grateful for it.

So now, here is my confession. I'm tired of putting myself to the back of the line. Everything I do now will be for me and benefit me in some way. Of course, I'll still do some things, but damn it, I'm making myself happy. This whole previous summer I hid away to make everyone else happy (which also added a lot of stress knowning all the crap that was going on) so I say fuck that, I'm not doing that anymore. I'm tired of making everyone else happy and dealing with whatever I can salvage from it. I'm tired of people walking all over me knowing that everything will be okay in the end. Things happened this summer that I had bite my tounge and say, yeah, sure its alright. Or I had to just go off and do other things and it still didn't help my situation any.
Yadi, yadi, yada....
and I'm spent.
Basically, I'm being selfish from now on and if you have a problem with it, guess what!!?! I don't care anymore. =) Thank you, have a nice day.

Gah, had to get that off my chest.

Chicken Little Gone BAD

No 'Chicken Little' - Kids see suicide

A Times Square movie theater laid an egg at a showing of "Chicken Little" last night. Adults and kids expecting to watch Disney's G-rated animated flick at the AMC Empire 25 theater on 42nd St. were instead presented with a foreign film that opened with a young man committing suicide. "It's pandemonium," Joshua Gallo, 30, told the Daily News as he rushed out of the theater with his 5-year-old son and 1-year-old daughter. "The kids are crying. The mothers are screaming for the managers to stop the film." Terrified children didn't know what to do as they watched a young boy hang himself from a tree at the 8:45 p.m. screening. After five minutes, "Andrea," a Spanish drama opening today, was turned off and "Chicken Little" was played. Patrons got a coupon for a free movie. Oren Yaniv and Rich Schapiro

Isnt that disturbing?

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