The Beginning

I don't really know much about this so called Blogger thing. It's different, a little harder for me to understand how to use, though I am sure that in time, I will figure it out.
So, I've decided to take my mind off of writing this overwhelimingly long email that I have, amazingly, been writing since 10:30 this morning. It is, without a doubt in my mind, one of the more crutial emails that I have ever written. Or, for that matter, will ever write in my entire life. Have you ever wanted something so bad, worked so hard for something and then never been able to enjoy the benefits of your much deserved hard work? It seems like that happens to me more than I anyone could imagine....

Things have not been easy for me latley. Yes, yes I know.I sound like I'm expecting anyone and everyone who reads this to come to my side, hold me and tell me that everythings going to be alright. However, that is not what I want at all. I am strong enough to get through this alone. I've started to hate who I was becoming, as well as hating what I was doing. When I was in high school, and all you people who went to Shiloh that knew me better back me up on this, I was logical, somewhat rational (much more than I am now) and head strong. I didn't party in highschool, well atleast until the end of my senior year. I didn't make decisions based on emotions, I made them based on logic. I have got to get myself back to doing that. In this past summer, starting with the Memorial Day Hat Tourney, I have made more illogical, irrational decisions than I have ever made in my enitre life. A lot of which I regret to the highest level of regret. This summer I have felt more out of control than I have ever felt in control. I have felt that I have given in to so many people, so many situations that people expec this stupid, blonde girl who makes stupid decisions. Well, damn the people for thinking that I'm going to stay that way. For lack of better words, the bitch is back.

Back to writing my email, I have more to say, just too busy to do it at the moment.